As a flight attendant, I usually stay on the airplane from takeoff to landing. To try something new, I recently jumped out of one mid-flight.
No, I’m not afraid of heights. Yes, I love leaving my comfort zone. But skydiving? Although I had had it on my bucket list for years, I kept postponing it. I’ve found excuses in work, “other plans” or physical impairments. Hand on heart, it just scared the hell out of me.
A few days ago, a new opportunity presented itself and I couldn’t find any reason to back out. So I drove to the airport. First, sign the waiver. Second, listen to the safety instruction. Third, put on the suit. So far so good. The flight itself wasn’t a big deal, I’ve been in much smaller airplanes before.
I only realized how focused I was when the skydivers around me started commenting on and taking pictures of the sunset. This sightly annoyed me as I just didn’t have any nerves for beauty. I was busy developing an action plan to escape – where to I don’t really know. All I could think of was how to avoid what was going to happen.
When the door opened at 3800m above ground level and everybody else had left (i.e. was swallowed by the great nothingness never to be seen again) it was my turn to sit at the edge of that airplane door, legs dangling in the wind. Below me: nothing. A big void with some clouds. Sure, I have always wondered what it would feel like to touch a cloud. But did I want to fall through one right now? No! Aaaahhhh!!!
It is in these seconds before the free fall that you realize you are looking down to death. All your primal brain wants is to keep you alive. It doesn’t understand the concept of a parachute. Thus the imminent fall creates intense anxiety. Distress. Panic in its purest form. Every cell in your body is screaming. You are trying to hold onto the airplane for dear life.
Eventually your tandem master pushes you out. You start falling at 200km/h. Your mind isn’t able to make sense of what is happening, so it just goes blank. Some sort of cerebral short circuit I reckon. I remember seeing the airplane closely from below and “huh?!” was all I could think.
But then something magical happens: The longer you fall, the more the tension and the fear fade away. Everything gets quiet, on the outside and on the inside. You realize you didn’t die and slowly understand that you are flying. And while you high-five those clouds you know that this is the craziest and most blissful thing you have ever done in your life.
Why blissful? Because it is in the face of death that we feel most alive. Our awareness is heightened, our energy levels peak. We feel connected to everything around us. The wind, the sun, the people. Nothing else matters but the present moment. Right here, right now. We just are.
And in this moment, you know: The most beautiful things are on the other side of fear. All you need to do is jump.
Thank you for making this an unforgettable experience, Lukas Kurtz and Skydive Ostschweiz.
